Oscar Nominations and the Tortilla Prophet
The monologue opens with the “holiest” day in Hollywood: Oscar nomination day. While the film Sinners broke records with 16 nominations, the real surprise came from a breakfast tortilla. Kimmel’s bandleader, Cleto, shared a photo of a partially eaten tortilla that bore an uncanny resemblance to Donald Trump—a “Gorda Supreme Leader” discovery that ended up in the trash.
Trump’s Board of Peace and the Mystery Bruise
Donald Trump’s 21st anniversary with Melania was marked by more than just a sweet post; it was marked by a mysterious, dark bruise on his left hand. While his press secretary claimed he banged it on a table, the timing coincided with the launch of his new “Board of Peace” (BOP).
The BOP is a controversial organization Trump is forming, seemingly to rival the United Nations. Membership comes with a steep price tag: $1 billion. While Western democracies have remained skeptical, leaders from Saudi Arabia, Qatar, and Hungary joined immediately. The board’s stated goal is to rebuild Gaza, a project led by Jared Kushner, who Kimmel noted has finally “found his voice.”
The FCC and the Equal Time Trap
The core of the monologue addresses a serious legal threat from the FCC. Commissioner Brendan Carr is reportedly attempting to reinterpret the Equal Time Rule. Originally passed in 1927 for radio and updated in 1959, the rule requires broadcasters to give equal airtime to all political candidates.
For decades, talk shows have been exempt under the “bonafide news interview” clause. However, the current administration is moving to revoke this exemption for shows like Jimmy Kimmel Live! and The View. Kimmel argues that this is a “sneaky way of keeping viewpoints that aren’t [the administration’s] off the air,” noting that the rule is outdated in an era where broadcast TV makes up only a small fraction of total media consumption.
Jack Smith and the “Golden Bathroom”
Former Special Counsel Jack Smith’s recent testimony provided a stark reminder of the classified documents case. Smith detailed how sensitive national security information was stored in highly unconventional places—including a ballroom and a “golden bathroom” at Mar-a-Lago. While critics call it a crime, Kimmel joked it might just be “five-dimensional chess.”
Tariffs and the “Death Couch”
The segment concludes with a look at the economic reality of new tariffs. Studies suggest that 96% of the cost of these tariffs is paid by the American public, not foreign nations. The practical result? Everyday items like furniture are becoming luxuries. As Kimmel put it, the sectional you’re sitting on today might just be your “death couch,” because you won’t be able to afford a new one anytime soon.
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